When life gives you LEMONS !!!

If life gives you lemons, grow a lemon tree. When that tree gives you more lemons, make a lemon orchard. When that orchard gives you more lemons, sell them and become rich. Then next time you see life, you can say, “Thanks for the lemons!” Life hates people who are grateful for its lemons.

They say that good things take TIME !!!!

There are a few times in your life when all your instincts will tell you to do something, something that defies logic, upsets your plans, and may seem crazy to others. When that happens, you do it. Listen to your instincts and ignore everything else. Ignore logic, ignore the odds, ignore the complications and just go for it.

The Rest Of My Life Starts NOW !!!

I can choose to blame my circumstances on fate or bad luck or bad choices. Or I can fight back. Things are always going to be fair in the real world. That’s just the way it is. But for the most part, I know I get what I give. The rest of my life is being shaped right now. With the dreams I chase. The choices I make. And the person I decide to be. The rest of my life is a long time. And the rest of my life starts right now.

Everything Matters !

I JUST HAD TO SHARE THIS :) 

The truth is, as Life Lesson #38 says: nothing is trivial.

In other words, everything matters.

What you ate for breakfast matters. How much you exercise matters. The fact that you’re reading this right now matters. “Oh just one more [insert indulgence] can’t hurt” matters.

When I was younger I didn’t think very much mattered. Mostly I just didn’t care. I didn’t care whether someone died or whether someone won the lottery or whether someone was sick or how I felt or what I ate or what I did. I pretended I cared. I tried to act like I cared. But mostly all you’d get from me was flesh, no feeling.

… there is an idea of Patrick Bateman, some kind of abstraction, but there is no real me, only an entity, something illusory, and though I can hide my cold gaze and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours and maybe you can even sense our lifestyles are probably comparable: I simply am not there. – Patrick Bateman in American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis

It’s hard to pin down the turning point (my answer always changes) of when I began to genuinely care so I won’t make an attempt right now, but some of it stems from finally realizing what’s important.

Imperfection and Importance

We’re imperfect creatures so just because everything matters that doesn’t mean that everything we do is important.

There is a lot I do that’s seemingly not important at all. Is figuring out how to play Paparazzi by Lady Gaga on the guitar important in any way whatsoever? Not really. It doesn’t stretch my guitar playing abilities (it’s basically 5 total chords) but I think it’s funny, it’s silly, and it makes me smile. And you already know there is a lot of power in a smile. I can live with this. More than that, I love this. But if I spent all my waking hours learning how to play silly pop songs that would be a problem.

The 4 Stages of Importance

Importance can be broken down fairly simply into four stages. It’s not always black and white. There are definitely some gray areas, but this is a generally good break down.

Unimportant but beneficial

I would categorize silly pop song learning as unimportant but beneficialbecause having fun is essential to life.

Unimportant and not beneficial

This would be something like watching TV. But more than just watching TV, it’s being obsessed with a TV show. Recently someone told me they couldn’t wait to sit down and watch all of Dexter Season 4. “Rita died! I don’t know who killed her.”

“Wait a second, let me look it up and tell you and save you some time.” I joked.

“Nooooo!” and said person actually began crying.

I wouldn’t actually spoil someone’s life like this. I understand people will grasp at whatever they can when life sucks. But this situation was very sick, and very sad.

Important but not beneficial

This is a tough one. You could say paying taxes, for example, is important but not beneficial. You could say saving for retirement is important, but not beneficial. You could say having insurance is important, but not beneficial. A lot of this depends on who you ask.

Important and beneficial

Just like the other stages of importance important and beneficial is subjective, but I think it’s easier to determine than the other stages. I would say writing this blog is important and beneficial. I’m sure you could also make an argument that it’s neither. You’d be right. And so would I.

Important and beneficial means important and beneficial to you. This blog is important to me because I love writing and it’s fun connecting with people all around the world. It’s beneficial because I learn a lot from you and I hope you learn a little bit from me as well. See how that works? :)

The goal is to do more important and beneficial stuff.

Obviously everything you do won’t fall into this category. That’s OK. But you have a lot of choice in this matter.

For example, you could choose to watch Season 4 of Dexter or learn how to create a web series.

Both are media-related.

Both make an impact in some way.

But watching a TV show will make a mostly negative impact while learning how to create a web series will make a positive impact.

There is no tangible benefit to watching a TV show besides “vegging out.” It’s difficult to even consider this a tangible benefit. Vegging out is much different than, and not to be confused with, relaxation. Watching TV is not relaxing. Maybe you’ve forgotten how to relax? (Don’t worry, happens to everybody.)

Learning how to create a web series has unlimited potential. The fact is you might not do anything with that potential, and in that case, it matters just as much as watching a TV show. But the potential is there. The choice of what you’ll do with that potential is, as always, yours.

But What Truly Matters If Everything Matters?

Well, everything! Everything truly matters. Everything you’ve done, seen, touched, and experienced has shaped who you are. Everything you’re currently experiencing is shaping who you will be.

“I don’t understand, how can everything matter? You just went on yet another diatribe about how TV is a waste of time, how does TV matter?”

It matters because it shapes you. Something doesn’t have to be important for it to shape you.

When I say TV is a waste of time it doesn’t come from a place of judgement. If you need to watch 5 hours of TV every day, that’s cool. Although I would wonder why you’re reading this site. And if watching 5 hours of TV every day is not important to you, but you’re doing it anyway, why are you being a wuss? :)

Or maybe you want to smoke weed, drop acid, and eat cheetos. I’m not saying you should, I’m just saying it matters, because everything matters. History has proven there are lots of incredibly talented and smart people who have dabbled in mind-altering substances. The late Richard Feynman anybody? (BTW, if you’ve never read Surely You’re Joking Mr Feynman it’s a must read.)

Tangent: The difference between a pothead and Mr Feynman is vast. But I don’t have to point that out, do I? :)

The Big Question

Nope, it’s not “what is the meaning of life?” That’s too easy. ;)

The big question is:

If everything matters, how often are you going to choose to do what’s important and beneficial?

Ref- http://www.ridiculouslyextraordinary.com

How I Define TRUST !!!

What is trust in a relationship

How to trust when your insecure

 someone very dear to me was telling me just yesterday that they really don't trust anyone 100%.  And that made me think, neither do I.  In fact, my guess would be that neither does anyone, other than perhaps a very young child.  And even then it would be entirely dependent upon their childhood.

I have many people in my life that I trust to try very hard to help me out of a bad spot.  I also have many people in my life that I trust to share a "small" secret with.  I also trust many people not to purposely harm me, or at least, do their best to avoid it.  I also trust most of what many people share with me.  I trust that most people are basically good and want to do "the right thing". 

However, our opinion of the "right thing" might be completely different than their opinion of it. Therefore, how can I possibly be too disappointed when they betray my trust in minor ways, as in their opinion, they may not have violated their definition of trust at all.

There are many people that I care a great deal for, some I even love deeply, that I do not trust completely.  How can we trust someone with the deepest and dearest parts of us when they too are human and have their own life situations pressing them?  

A good example of this might be if you are in a relationship and your partner takes up with another person, has an affair so to speak.  This is a strong violation of trust, however, again, we are all human and sometimes we do blatantly stupid things.  Things that hurt other people, even when that was the farthest thing from our minds when we did it. 

So what then?  Do we refuse to trust them again, hold it over their heads for the rest of our lives, or run away vowing never to love again?

I guess that depends upon the people involved, the precise events, and really it boils down to what you want to do.  I don't believe any of these things are better than the other, but some are healthier for our hearts than others.

In my past I have been cheated on, as many people have.  I have also been the cheater.  Did I do it because I was weak?  Or was it simply my way of sabotaging something that should have ended a long time ago?  Either way, I probably dented someone's ability to trust in having done so.

What I'm saying is that we simply can't expect more from someone than we are capable of giving ourselves, and none of us have clean hands....even though I'd like to sometimes convince myself I do...I know better.

And before any one thinks my last month involved an affair of some sort, let me get my husband off the hook and tell you....no....that was not what made my month so crazy...I'm simply using this as an example because so many people feel this is the ultimate betrayal of trust; probably because it hurts so much.

So who do we trust?  How much should we trust?  Why must we trust at all?

I believe we must trust people to one degree or another or we'll all go mad.  We need friends, confidantes and sometimes just someone we feel safe to lean on.  If we don't trust anyone we live a life of paranoia and fear, and who wants that?

So we must put our hearts out there every now and again and just hope that it doesn't come back too tattered.  Although, if we do it correctly, even if it does come back a little bruised, we know we'll get by....Why?

Because the key to trust is trusting ourselves.  Trusting ourselves to be OK when someone we love hurts us.  Trusting ourselves to do the best we are capable of doing for most of the time.  Trusting ourselves to never give up hope that tomorrow will be brighter and that even if it's not, we'll patiently wait for OUR TIME...because we know it's coming.

We trust in a higher purpose hopefully....a higher power.  If we do, we understand that there is a plan and we trust "they" have our best interest at heart, even when it hurts a bit getting to it.

We trust that in the end all of our broken hearts, disappointments and hard won lessons will have a reason and play a purpose in our lives and all of our lives to follow.

That's why I believe that the very best thing we can do for ourselves is this....when someone lets us down, betrays our trust or does something we consider untrustworthy, we forgive them.  We understand their human too and sometimes they are going to put their needs above ours.

Does that mean we have to stay in a relationship with them?  Of course not.  We have the right, indeed the duty, to treat ourselves well.  We HAVE to trust ourselves enough to at the very least take care of ourselves.  Therefore, sometimes we need to end relationships, jobs, friendships, habits, etc..., because that's the best thing for us to do. 

The only thing we can hope for is that we can trust ourselves enough to do it in the best, most kind way possible so that we don't single-handedly destroy the trust of someone else.  Although I must say, I don't think anyone can single handedly perform such a monumental deed....usually the destruction of trust comes in the form of a slow erosion.

However, that being said, I also think that when we allow our trust to be destroyed, it is because we have chosen to let that happen.  It isn't possible for someone else outside of ourselves to change our minds to such a degree if we don't allow it to happen.

So, do I trust completely?  No.  Unfortunately, I'm just not that innocent any longer.  However, I do still trust, even in spite of the fact that we humans are never completely trustworthy....I guess I prefer to look at the glass as half full.  I would miss out on so many wonderful people and interactions if I didn't.  So will you.

If you allow life to scar you so deeply, then it suddenly doesn't really seem worth the living...and what a shame that would be.  I've seen people who have let that happen in their lives, and I can honestly say that is no where near where I want to be.

So trust me when I say....trust as much as you're personally comfortable with....know that people will surely let you down from time to time, and sometimes you'll want to hide under your covers and refuse to trust again....but it just isn't worth it.  If you trust yourself to always come out the other side of any situation both wiser and stronger, then the risk is not really that great.

Don't give up on people.  Most of them aren't trying to hurt you, and the few that are, usually don't matter that much in the scheme of your life for very long.  So do yourself a favor and let them go.  

You really will grow stronger for having gone through it, and you really will be OK, even if you don't want to be....because that's how life works.

:)

Someday..

If you look close enough to the world around you, you might find someone like you. Someone trying to find their way. Someone trying to find their self. Sometimes, it seems like you are the only one in the world who’s struggling, who’s frustrated, unsatisfied, barely getting by. But that feeling’s a lie. And if you just hold on, just find the courage to face it all for another day, someone or something will find you and make it all okay. Because we all need a little help sometimes. We need someone to remind us that it won’t always be this way. That someone is out there. And that someone will find you. Believe in love.. as it will find you someday :)

Life Goes On !!!

Mistakes help us to grow :)

No matter what we do or who we are, we are going to make mistakes. Unfortunately, that is an inevitable truth of life. We have to learn that it is OK to make a mistake. There are many different lessons that we can and must learn from making mistakes.

At the same time, we cannot dwell on mistakes. We must move forward. We must not let our past skeletons haunt us. We must bounce back from mistakes. If all we do is think about them, then they will hamper everything in our daily lives, hindering our personal growth.

Everyone makes mistakes. That is an undeniable truth of human life. However, your response to these mistakes goes a long way towards determining who you are and what you can be as a person. If you are determined to grow and learn from your mistakes, this will allow you to grow as a person. Mistakes don’t have to always be a bad thing.

The map of life works like this: No matter how lost you get,  you always take one step in the right direction. Sometimes you have to get a little lost to find your way. You can’t know any better when you don’t know. YOU have to go through that to understand .

Bad experiences, mistakes, regrets, although they aren’t desirable, we learn many things from them and in the end we turn and allows us to grow and become better people and make better decisions and choices.

I’ve made many mistakes in my past. Probably different types of mistakes to the ones you have commited. But with each mistake, the clearer the message stands out, and I’m glad I had commited these mistakes while I was still young, just in time, just before I reached 16. So go climb more mountains, or swim more rivers. After all, life’s all about taking risks.

It’s okay to make mistakes. Mistakes are our teachers - they help us to learn. So go ahead and make mistakes. Make all you can. Because that’s where you will find success. On the far side of failure! The greatest mistake a man can ever make, is not making one at all. 

Mistakes !!

Maybe mistakes are what make our fate. Without them, what would shape our lives? Maybe if we had never veered off course, we wouldn’t fall in love, have babies, or be who we are. After all, things change, so do cities, people come into your life and they go. But its comforting to know that the ones you love are always in your heart, and if you’re very lucky, a plane ride away......    

You Are The CSS To My HTML :)

I remember the days when having an extreme interest in computers and technology was considered a bad thing.  I never understood what those guys in my  school were doing, hunched over their old school mac computers and talking about RAM.  It sounded like a foreign language and so nerdy!  Fast forward a few years, and guys who are interested in techy, computer stuff are in high demand and there is just something about those so-called “geeks” that most women can’t get enough of, including myself!  What can I say, I have a weakness for a man who knows his way around a hard drive and has his way with HTML. The best thing about a Computer Geek is... 

He can fix everything.....  

This is especially handy for girls like me who have a tendency to break things quite a bit :D

But here’s the thing, even if he doesn’t know how to fix something-for example, your machine or laptop, he’ll google it until he’s blue in the face.  He’ll pull up tutorials on Youtube, download step by step pdfs, and get the job done.  A computer geek will never say “I don’t know how to do that…”, he always figures it out-and that kind of determination is pretty damn sexy.

Mostly Can Fix Me ;)

Promise To Myself :)

Promise to my self to be strong that nothing can disturb my peace of mind; to talk health, happiness and prosperity to every person I meet; to make all my friends feel that there is something worthwhile in them; to look at the sunny side of everything and to make my optimism come true, to think only of the best, to work only for the best, and to expect only the best; to be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as I am about my own; to forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future; to wear a cheerful expression at all times and give a smile to every living creature I meet; to give so much time to improving myself that I have no time to criticize others; to be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble; to think well of myself and to proclaim this fact to the world, not in loud word, but in great deeds; to live in the faith that the whole world is on my side, so long as I am true to the best that is in me.

A Few Rules :)

1.) Never stop thinking. This is is important. If someone ever says to you “you need to stop thinking so much,” call them ignorant in your head and keep thinking deeper. It is this mentality that breeds stupid people. Your mind is the most important thing you have, if you stop using it, it will atrophy. 
2.) Stare into space blankly and don’t mentally punish yourself for doing it, even if it is for that split second. 
3.) Don’t be afraid to talk about anything. You shouldn’t be afraid of reality. 
4.) Everyone is a hypocrite. 
5.) You are all original. Every life experience is case sensitive and unique. Every time you wake up or quote someone else, you are becoming more you than anyone has ever been. 
6.) Do pointless things. Don’t actively restrain or hide yourself from the redundant.
7.) Stop rushing. Shut up and embrace the sound of silence. 
8.) Religion shouldn’t be taught, it should be found. No one should tell you what to believe except for you. 
9.) Talking to yourself is healthy. Is there anyone you have more in common with?
10.) There is no such thing as time. The sun never sets or rises. Days and years don’t exist. There is only your life. 
11.) We will always be in a transitional phase. Look outside and know that everything will be replaced at some point. This existence is temporary. 
12.) It’s not half empty or half full. It’s half a glass. 
13.) Every now and then, you take something that you see everyday and try to see it in a different light. Renew its resistance. 
14.) Be happy, but don’t force it. 
15.) You will always succeed in trying. 
16.) We are all crazy. 
17.) We are all about as similar as we are different. 
18.) Ideas are about as valuable as people. 
19.) Words will always be just words. Love is just another four letter word, only the feeling is real. 
20.) Ask a child for advice. They may not know much, but they know what’s important. 
21.) Prove you’re alive. Do anything from dancing in the supermarket to taking an impulse trip to another country. Remind the world you are still here. 
22.) Don’t take anything seriously.


P.S A mail someone sent me years back :D thought would just share it.. Enjoy

Enjoy It Now !!

For just one second, look at your life and see how perfect it is. Stop looking for the next secret door that is going to lead you to your real life. This is it: there’s nothing else. It’s here and you’d better decide to enjoy it or you’re going to be miserable wherever you go, for the rest of your life, forever.

The Brain !!

The brain is the human body’s most mysterious organ. It learns. It changes. It adapts. It tells us what we see, what we hear. It lets us feel love. I think it holds our soul. And no matter how much research we do, no one can really say how all that delicate grey matter inside our skull works. And, when it’s hurt, when the human brain is traumatized, well, that’s when it gets even more mysterious.

Just What Is Authenticity, Anyway?

I just had to share this after reading it :) A friend mailed it to me ^_^ 

Psychologists long assumed authenticity was something too intangible to measure objectively. Certainly Michael Kernis did when, around 2000, graduate student Brian Goldman approached him about making a study of individual differences in authenticity.

“I said, ‘Well, you can’t do that,’” recalls Kernis, a social psychologist at the University of Georgia in Athens, “because nobody thought you could.” But the two plunged ahead, reviewing several centuries’ worth of philosophical and psychological literature. They came up with a technical description of authenticity as “the unimpeded operation of one’s true or core self in one’s daily enterprise.”

Kernis and Goldman (now at Clayton State University) identified four separate and somewhat concrete components of authenticity that they could measure in a written test. The first, and most fundamental, is self-awareness: knowledge of and trust in one’s own motives, emotions, preferences, and abilities. Self-awareness encompasses an inventory of issues from the sublime to the profane, from knowing what food you like to how likely you are to quit smoking to whether you’re feeling anxious or sad.

Self-awareness is an element of the other three components as well. It’s necessary for clarity in evaluating your strengths and (more to the point) your weaknesses: acknowledging when you’ve flubbed a presentation or when your golf game is off, without resorting to denial or blame. Authenticity also turns up in behavior: It requires acting in ways congruent with your own values and needs, even at the risk of criticism or rejection. And it’s necessary for close relationships, because intimacy cannot develop without openness and honesty.

Kernis and Goldman have found that a sense of authenticity is accompanied by a multitude of benefits. People who score high on the authenticity profile are also more likely to respond to difficulties with effective coping strategies, rather than resorting to drugs, alcohol, or self-destructive habits. They often report having satisfying relationships. They enjoy a strong sense of self-worth and purpose, confidence in mastering challenges, and the ability to follow through in pursuing goals.

Whether authenticity causes such psychological boons or results from them isn’t yet clear. But they suggest why people crave authenticity, as those low in authenticity are likely to be defensive, suspicious, confused, and easily overwhelmed.

Considering the psychological payoffs, Kernis and Goldman ask, “Why, then, is not everybody authentic?”

 Read the Rest of the Article on PsychologyToday.com

Look At Yourself !!!

Take a step back. Look at yourself. You are human. You are beautiful. you are so beautiful. And you can be anything. You can be everything. Do not hate because someone broke your heart, or because your parents split up or your best friend betrayed you. Do not concern yourself with things you cannot control. Cry when you need to, then let go when it’s time. Don’t hang on to painful memories just because you’re afraid to forget. Let go of things that are in the past. Forget things that aren’t worth remembering. Stop taking things for granted. Stop taking life for granted. Live for something. Live for yourself. Fall in love. Fall out of love. Fall in love. Fall out of love. Do this over and over until you know what it really is to love someone. Question things. Tell people how you really feel. Sleep under the stars. Create. Imagine. Inspire. Share something wonderful. Make something beautiful and then destroy it. Meet new people. Make someone’s day. Follow your dreams. Live your life to its full potential. Just live. Let go of all the horrible things in your life and just live. And one day, when you’re old, look back with no regrets. 

Life is Beautiful :)

This life is what you make it. No matter what, you’re going to mess up sometimes. It’s a universal truth. But the good part is, you get to decide how you’re going to mess it up. Girls will be your friends- they’ll act like it anyway. But just remember, some come, some go. The ones that stay with you through everything- they’re your true best friends. Don’t let go of them. Also remember, sisters make the best friends in the world. As for lovers, well, they’ll come and go too. And babe, I hate to say it, most of them- actually pretty much all of them are going to break your heart, but you can’t give up because if you give up, you’ll never find your soulmate. You’ll never find that half who makes you whole and that goes for everything. Just because you fail once, doesn’t mean you’re going to fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself. Because if you don’t, then who will, sweetie? So keep your head high, keep your chin up. and most importantly, keep smiling, because life’s a beautiful thing and there’s so much to smile about. 

Passion !!!

Passion. One of the number one things that we look for in our partners. It’s a universal desire for someone to be passionate about you. It’s a plus when they are passionate about their own life, and about things that are important to them. It brings fervor and fire into any relationship and makes every day exciting. It’s odd that this is something we look for in people, as if there are people who aren’t passionate at all. Shouldn’t everyone have something that excites, defines and drives them? Otherwise, life would be boring and meaningless. Passion should not be optional.

Attitude is Everything !!

The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what people say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill. It will make or break a heart, a future, a home. The remarkable thing is: we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past, we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you. We are in charge of our attitudes!

First Yourself !

 Not everything in life revolves around meeting another person to be with. Yes, it’s great to have someone adore you, but it’s more important to find the things in yourself that make you special and adorable. Before you can find who’s right for you, you have to become the person you’re meant to be. 

What N If..... :/

What’ and ‘if’ two words as nonthreatening as words come. But put them together side-by-side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life: ‘What if?’… I don’t know how your story ended. But I know that if what you felt then was love - true love - then it’s never too late. If it was true then it why wouldn’t it be true now? You need only the courage to follow your heart… I don’t know what a love like that feels like… a love to leave loved ones for, a love to cross oceans for… but I’d like to believe if I ever felt it. I’d have the courage to seize it. I hope you had the courage to seize it. And if you didn’t, I hope one day that you will :)

The Best Offer !

Just because the road ahead is long, is no reason to slow down. Just because there is much work to be done, is no reason to get discouraged. It is a reason to get started, to grow, to find new ways, to reach within yourself and discover strength, commitment, determination, discipline. The road ahead is long, and difficult, and filled with opportunity at every turn. Start what needs starting. Finish what needs finishing. Get on the road. Stay on the road. Get on with the work. Right now you’re at the beginning of the journey. What a great place to be! Just imagine all the things you’ll learn, all the people you’ll meet, all the experiences you’ll have. Be thankful that the road is long and challenging,because that is where you’ll find the best that life has to offer.