Im Sorry !!!

I apology those for whom i hurt please forgive me and let go of the past it takes great time to build up the state of mind and the awareness of the self. i know i was being …soulless!!!!

sometime it hurts to bad just to look at the wrong path i took and how i interacted with the world as a whole.

i ignored the spiritual growth, i lived up to my intellectual standards regardless how empty i felt.

I had nothing at the core. i peeled all the multilayers protection of my vulnerable central system.

I learned nothing of the past. cos i ignored the fact that human lives involving with higher realms beside facts and trivialities.

i saw signs but i thought they were commonsense. And i learned it the hard way that things arent as they seem.

the "look good but no depth fundamental self" collapsed to replace by a whole new system – a brand new me. with full awareness of my identity and purposes in life. I always knew im a good person, i just happened to realize something lacking in me. Something important, something hard to substitue. Its a self. its the identity that i longed to look for in my whole life. I researched, i read, i did experiment to test out at what extent the real me will show up.

Well. I succeeded. Up till now. im still wondering..what made me do all these useless deeds? is it because the hatred from the childhood? or the resentment for the rest of human race? why i spent too much effort to continuously find for the faith that i lack? that is the faith in myself, the hope that i will wake up someday finding happiness along the way. As i always felt empty deep down in my soul, It perhaps went travelling some where i guess..lol. Or because it gave up on me? i had the impression that i would be happy as i could find the last piece of my soul. I tried to executed the process in a scientific manner. 

Its alright. dont take things for granted from now.

Be happy.

I feel like growing. And i know i will committ myself to a much higher forces - i put my faith in  the hand of God as i know now man will not live by bread alone. I of course will continue to fight the battles til the end of the Judgment Day. I am content.

Thank you for those who still support and bet ur hope in me lol.

I will survive.

And trust me. I will be good.  

Sssh Please!

For long, I thought that i’m smart enough to handle all relationships. I never wanna make anyone disappointed or feel annoyed talking with me. On the other hand, I dun wanna make me feel irritated either.

But there’s some stupid thing that makes me very upset. Something relates to the corner of myself. Stupid me. I thought I could share some dark side of my life with someone, a bit. I thought they would keep it as a secret box between me and them. I thought I could lean on them when I am deep down in depression, confusion, worry….

Is it too hard for them just to listen to me then stop shouting out loud that i have resorted to them? Is it too hard for them just to keep silence? Just to be with me in the shade of life. Just not to let the whole world know that I need them sometime.

Guys, they r just so selfish. They always want to "publicize" things I told them, things i share with them, things that I admitted I couldn’t hold back, couldn’t control.

They wanna act out as if they r the master. Excuse me! You don’t understand any bit of myself. However, I know it. I know why they wanna be the master of the game. I beg your pardon, mr. big-shot master, take a look at urself. Don’t try to show ur care to me like a dog barking out loud.

Anyway, I never lose faith to love, to true friendship, to my belief in human emotion. I just need to be more careful.....

My Wishes For You !!

"IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO REACH FOR A STAR AND PLUCK IT OUT OF THE SKY"

BUT IF YOU WANTED ONE, I WOULD NEVERTHELESS GIVE IT A TRY

THERE'S NOT A THING I WOULDN'T ATTEMPT TO DO

IF THE END RESULT PLEASED YOU

I WOULD WISH FOR YOU, EYES THAT SEE ONLY THE TRUTH

I WOULD WISH FOR YOU LOVE THAT NEVER NEEDS PROOF

I WISH FOR YOU A HEART THAT NEVER ACHES

I WISH FOR YOU A HEART THAT NEVER BREAKS

I WISH FOR YOU COUNTLESS MOMENTS FULL OF HOPE, PROMISE AND SWEET DREAMS

I WISH FOR YOU HAPPINESS BURSTING AT THE SEAMS

I WISH FOR  YOU TEARS, BUT ONLY OF JOY

I WISH FOR YOU THE INNOCENCE OF YOUR CHILDHOOD WHEN YOU WERE COY

I WISH FOR YOU RAINBOWS TO WASH AWAY YOUR PAIN

I WISH FOR YOU CLEANSING DROPS OF GENTLE RAIN

I PRAY TO THE FORCES ABOVE TO ALWAYS PROTECT YOU

I PRAY THAT NOTHING YOU DESIRE WILL EVER REJECT YOU

I HOPE TENDERNESS WILL FOREVER SURROUND YOU

I HOPE THE MAGIC OF LOVE WILL NEVER CEASE TO ASTOUND YOU

I WISH YOU THE ASSURANCE OF A FUTURE THAT SHINES BRIGHT

I WISH YOU EVERYTHING YOU DESIRE WITH ALL MY MIGHT

I WISH YOU THE PATH THAT ALWAYS LEADS TO RIGHT

I WISH YOU IMMUNITY FROM THE RAVAGES OF LIFE

I WISH FOR YOU THE LEAST AMOUNT OF STRIFE

I  WISH FOR YOU A HEART OH SO TRUE

I PROMISE TO ERASE YOUR BLUE

AS PROMISED, AS LONG AS YOU LIVE

AS PROMISED, I FOREVER WILL GIVE

FROM ME THERE WILL NEVER BE ANY REASON FOR AMENDS

AND I'LL MAKE SURE, FOR YOU, THIS POEM NEVER ENDS !!!!

CAUSE FOR ME YOUR HAPPINESS COMES FIRST :)

Why I Let Him Hurt Me So Much........

They asked me if I kissed him. I told them yes. They asked if I regretted it. I told them no. They
asked me if I regretted falling for him. I told them no. They askd me how I cud have ever liked
him. I replied: I don't regret any of my feelings or things I did with him, because when I look at
him I see something different than what everyone else can see. When I'm with him I feel a feeling
that no one or being anywhere else can giv me.Wen I kissed him,my world around me melted. Wen he held me in his arms and rested his head on mine, I forgot everything but my world that 
was holding me.Even though all of u may see somethin in him that is so horrible, all I see is all the
positive, and special moments that he ever shared with me...

I'm tryin really hard not to cry over him, because every tear is just one more reminder that I
don't know how to let him go.It's only after someone is gone do u realize how much u miss them..they are always tellin me to move on, to givup. But y? y shud I? They don't see him the way that I see him. They don't look into his eyes n see the world.y wud they understand? They can't possibly imagine what it means to look at a guy ,n see all their hopes n dreams come true. I wish for once, just once, they cud walk a mile in my shoes. But they wudn't need to walk that far, they wud just take one step n suddenly, they wud take back every bit of 'gettin over him' advice they had ever given me n realize he is my life, he was meant for me,n that moving on or givin up is simply not an option.u never really stop lovin someone. u just learn to try to live without them.......

I really think there's a reason that I like him so much. Like somethin is telling me not to let him go. Every time I follow my heart... it leads me to him. I mean... what other explanation is there. y is it that he is all I can think about? y is it that no matter how upset I am... I see him n I can't help but smile? y is it that when he smiles at me...

I get that feeling in my stomach? n even wen he'd broken my heart,n hurt me as much as anyone could ever hurt me... wen he left me... yesI hated him... y then did I still feel those same feelings?

Answer me that, n then I'll tell u why I let him hurt me so much...............

My Fairytale Romance

If  Im  Cinderella

Or I would like to be

Will it be possible for me to find my prince charming in you !!

If Im Jasmine

Would you say " So Princess, please be mine , A whole new world I'll show you

A world of love divine "

My favorite is Tinkerbell

So You Can be Peter Pan, Together we can fly away

Off to Neverland

And if Im Sleeping Beauty

Then U Can be the one, To kiss My  lips, open My eyes

And fill My life with sun

And if You are the Beast

And My name was Bell, know that you can  count on me

To free you from the spell

And if U are Prince Eric

Would you take me as your Ariel to show 

A love deeper than the sea

Just like a Disney tale

Filled all with love and laughter, You and I will be together

Happily ever after

So tell me your desires

I'll make your dreams come true

A life of happiness

Prince, I'll share with you

Be my Prince

And your Princess I will be

Together we can live

Our own Disney story.....

I Am Only Me :)

I am only me, that is all that I can be

No more, no less, don’t second guess.

I love, I laugh, I live and cry,

I’ve wished at times, that I could die

Some days I’m funny, others I’m not,

sometimes I’m in overdrive and can’t stop

I am a loyal and honest friend,

You know that I’ll be there until the end...

I am a romantic, sensual, and passionate too,

to the love of my life, I’ll share this with you

I can be sweet and shy or sassy and bold,

I’m quite a handful, or so I’ve been told

I am not perfect, I do have my faults,

like when I get scared I put up high walls

Or I’m not as forgiving, as I’d sometimes like to be,

because when I hurt, I hurt deeply

My logic is all my own, at times misunderstood,

because I don’t always do things for my own good

I have many facets, like a diamond you see…

I am only me !!!