Im Sorry !!!

I apology those for whom i hurt please forgive me and let go of the past it takes great time to build up the state of mind and the awareness of the self. i know i was being …soulless!!!!

sometime it hurts to bad just to look at the wrong path i took and how i interacted with the world as a whole.

i ignored the spiritual growth, i lived up to my intellectual standards regardless how empty i felt.

I had nothing at the core. i peeled all the multilayers protection of my vulnerable central system.

I learned nothing of the past. cos i ignored the fact that human lives involving with higher realms beside facts and trivialities.

i saw signs but i thought they were commonsense. And i learned it the hard way that things arent as they seem.

the "look good but no depth fundamental self" collapsed to replace by a whole new system – a brand new me. with full awareness of my identity and purposes in life. I always knew im a good person, i just happened to realize something lacking in me. Something important, something hard to substitue. Its a self. its the identity that i longed to look for in my whole life. I researched, i read, i did experiment to test out at what extent the real me will show up.

Well. I succeeded. Up till now. im still wondering..what made me do all these useless deeds? is it because the hatred from the childhood? or the resentment for the rest of human race? why i spent too much effort to continuously find for the faith that i lack? that is the faith in myself, the hope that i will wake up someday finding happiness along the way. As i always felt empty deep down in my soul, It perhaps went travelling some where i guess..lol. Or because it gave up on me? i had the impression that i would be happy as i could find the last piece of my soul. I tried to executed the process in a scientific manner. 

Its alright. dont take things for granted from now.

Be happy.

I feel like growing. And i know i will committ myself to a much higher forces - i put my faith in  the hand of God as i know now man will not live by bread alone. I of course will continue to fight the battles til the end of the Judgment Day. I am content.

Thank you for those who still support and bet ur hope in me lol.

I will survive.

And trust me. I will be good.